(NerdWallet) – The wedding bells are ringing, and if you’re getting married, it’s time to talk to your fiancé about money.
A new NerdWallet survey on financial infidelity found that more than two-fifths of Americans with a significant other (43%) say they withhold or lie about financial information in discussions with their partners. Get your marriage on track with these five financial conversations before you say “I do.”
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1. Money lessons to grow with you
No one likes to judge their significant other, but if you’re skeptical about the way your partner spends money, it’s worth sitting down and talking about the financial lessons you both learned growing up. Even if you come from a family that never discussed money, you’ve probably witnessed money habits that help define your financial worldview.
Ask your partner how their parents spend their money, what the narrative about debt is in their family, and whether money is seen as abundant or scarce. This is especially important if your partner is from a different cultural or socioeconomic background than you, as you may have grown up with different money norms.
After this conversation, you may still disagree with how they save and spend, but you may have a better understanding of how their money psychology is shaped—in other words, why they save and spend the way they do.
2. Outstanding Debt
Among Americans with a significant other — what we call “Americans with a partner” — about one in 12 (8%) say they have lied to their partner or withheld information about a debt they owed .
Spouses are generally not legally responsible for debts accumulated by their partners before marriage, but these debts can still have a profound impact on a couple’s financial situation. If you’re consolidating funds or simply working towards a common goal, your debt payments can affect how you save and spend.
Each partner should write down their debt balances, interest rates and payment terms. Then, as a couple, you can decide how to pay off the debt. Two popular debt repayment strategies are debt snowball and debt avalanche. Using the snowball method, you can focus on paying off your debt from the smallest balance to the largest. The idea is that wiping out small balances quickly provides momentum. With Avalanche, you focus on paying off your debt from the highest rate to the lowest, which is a better deal.
The best way to pay off debt is the one you’ll stick with, so discuss your options with your partner so you can start working together on debt resolution.
3. Income and expenses
The survey found that 14 percent of married Americans have lied or withheld information about their income to their partner. Nearly a quarter of married Americans (23%) lie to their partners or hide how much they spend on groceries. Your income and expenses affect the amount of money you and your spouse can have to build your life together. List your current income and expenses and ask your partner to do the same so you can decide together if you have enough money to use and what to do if not.
Not all couples agree on discretionary spending. A good way to combat this is to allocate an equal amount of personal expenses to each partner each month. So even if a purchase isn’t to your taste, the amount to spend is mutually agreeable.
4. Credit score
Twelve percent of married Americans have lied to or withheld information about their credit score from their partner, according to the survey. Credit scoring doesn’t take marital status into account, and the spouse’s score isn’t linked or combined into the scoring formula. But your scores can still affect each other. For example, if you decide to buy a home, a mortgage loan might consider both of your credit scores. If you have bad credit, that could mean a higher interest rate — if not an outright rejection — and your spouse might be upset if you lie about it.
Each of you should check your credit score to see where your starting point is. If one or both of you need help with your scores, come up with a plan together to start building credit. That could mean paying off debt, setting up automatic payments to make sure every bill is paid on time, or asking for your credit report and disputing any errors.
5. Financial goals
Money can be stressful when it’s not enough, but it’s also fun to use money to make plans for the future. Maybe as a couple, you want to buy a home (median price in 2023 is $342,000, according to Zillow), take a dream vacation or start a business. Talk about all the things that cost money that you both want to do in the future. It might not be realistic to do everything on both lists, but don’t dismiss any ideas just yet. Pick a goal or two and come up with realistic first steps to start realizing your financial dreams together.
The latest estimates from the U.S. Census Bureau indicate that nearly 60 percent of U.S. adults live with a spouse or partner. Being honest and open about your finances — even if it’s a little uncomfortable — can help these families build a solid foundation.